We have to entertain ourselves somehow, guys. We’re going into a month without any live sports and we may be slowly starting to lose our minds.
We figured why not accelerate that process by watching bad soccer movies, starting with probably the most famous one of them all: 2008’s Goal! III: Taking on the world.
The Goal! franchise shines with its first two films; Goal! 1 and 2 are cult classics in Mexican soccer-loving households. The story is a bit cliché in the encompassing realm of sports movies, but there’s no doubt about its relatability.
Every first- or second-generation Mexican kid (all Latinos really) dreamed of having the career path that was layed out before Santiago Muñez. From the rec league to the Champions League. He was Chicharito before Javier Hernandez was ever spotted by Sir Alex Ferguson. His story inspired a generation and it hurts that much more when you see how Goal! 3 manages to screw literally everything up.
Instead of focusing on the protagonist who made the Goal! movies successful, Goal! 3 drops us straight into the lives of two English footballers previously absent from the franchise. Charlie Braithwaite and Liam Adams are Santi’s best friends, apparently, and the 90-minute movie shoves so many overused tropes down our throats in order to get us to care about these two that it gets hilariously bad.
Appalling CGI, horrible editing, terrible treatment of our beloved fictional Mexican forward, boring World Cup stock footage, a completely unlikable cast, LITTLE TO NO SOCCER, and a death that ended up being more comedic than any of the jokes in this movie.
Nestor and Antonio are back to take the piss out of all of it and give their thoughts as to how they would have made Goal! 3 if given the chance.
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